I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
