woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
