Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
