Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
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Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
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just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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