So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
