Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
