good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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