is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
