My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
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Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
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i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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