Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's blow job season.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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