Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize