I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
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I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
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I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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