I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
