This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
