At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
