I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
