I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
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he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
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are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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