Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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