His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
