One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
