i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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