I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
