Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
