I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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