Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Is Oprah even human
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
