i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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