I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
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my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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