I seem to have left my pride at pride
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
