i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
