I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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