my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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