girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
