I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
