why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
