Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
