o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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