Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
