how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
