this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
