Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
