Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
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i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
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We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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