I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
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It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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