after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Even my vagina gasped.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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