Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I could fuck to npr.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
