your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
