do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
