I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My pussy is not your playground.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
