I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
