Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
