he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
