Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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