I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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