mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
