She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
