fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
