theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
