all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
