well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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