Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
