Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
