I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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