remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
