I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
