Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
