nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
