I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
