Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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