Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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