You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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