if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
